I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
