yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
