And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
