last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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