shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we're making bets on your personal life
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
