I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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