I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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