im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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