Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
