I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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