Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
