Jerry, you need to find god
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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