he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just found a bag of teeth...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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