Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
