how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
