What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize