apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
