You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
im six kinds of drunk right now
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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