Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
