I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
