On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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