Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
