I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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