Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
