Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
