wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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