That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
