had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
