I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
