My boss' voice literally gives me gas
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
