So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
