If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
