If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
