I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
