so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
