Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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