Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
