after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
