i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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