i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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