Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
