just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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