She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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