I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
