I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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