Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
