moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
