Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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