Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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