I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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