Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
