Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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