I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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