i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
