a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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