dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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