I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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