a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
