My brain says no but my pants say off.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
