You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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