Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
