she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
