I didn't shave. On purpose
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
