Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize