Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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