I think scott just propositioned me for sex
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize