that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
