ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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