what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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