fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
