Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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